A team of 42 scientists, wizards and warlocks with expertise in genetics, monster hunting, and World of Warcraft have sequenced all 99 nuclear chromosomes from a novel species of giant lizard isolated in a loch in North Central Scotland. The study, “Complete genome sequence of an ancient giant aquatic lizard-monster-thing reveals insights into evolution and the environment”, which analysed data extracted from large amounts of faeces found adjacent to Loch Ness, appears in the first issue of “Contemporary Research And Practical Science” on April 1st.

The team, led by Professor Watson Moriarty, of GenomesRUs, sequenced the genomes using the SHTSeq system. In total they sequenced more than a Zebrillion base-pairs of DNA, 1000 times the total amount of DNA sequenced by anyone, ever. All bases attained Q30 scores above 30, which is impossible, but which proves that all bases are better than perfect. This rules out contamination with adder, a local snake in the area.

Professor Watson Moriarty said “This is a great day for science, and for insane people throughout the World; we have proven, beyond reasonable doubt, that this mythical monster probably exists. For just £33 you can own the paper, or buy three copies for the bargain price of £69.99. Framed versions are also available, just 100 easy payments of £9.99 per month for 20 years. Why not own this historical moment for ever more?”

All enquiries should be directed to the journal at enquiries@CRAPScience.com

The above is a guest post by Professor Watson Moriarty, and in no way reflects the views of the owner of this blog